Category: Joke Board
Below is a great spoof of companies and catalogs such as J.W. Micro, Freedom Scientific, Independent Living Aids, Maxi Aids, and Ann Morris Enterprises:
New products being developed by
JW independent scientific maxi Morris aids
The following products coming soon to the JW independent scientific
maxi Morris aids catalogue
These products will be great to help with your everyday life!
Talking dentil floss:
Spanish/English versions available with helpful prompting from this floss
your teeth will never be the same!
Floss says:
"open up"
"one grubby molar "
two grubby molars"
and so on until all your teeth are free from debris !
Braille Toilet Paper!:
This tactile tissue contains the meaning of life on each roll! Read your way to a wiser you while you use the Braille to help with other things that aren't
so pleasant!
Talking commode:
This comfortable toilet tells you when the lid is up or down and if it's#1 or #2! No more thinking about what you are doing now your mind can concentrate
on more important things like that odd mumbling sound beneath you.
Our top of the line talking commode has the added comedy feature . It will make snide remarks about your physique when you have your back turned!
Talking toilet brush not included!
Talking shoes!
These wonderful talking shoes tell you just what you are walking on or stepping in! Identifies things such as grass, sidewalks, pavement , and dog droppings.
Shoes come in brown white and in English and Spanish
Product produced by JW independent scientific maxi Morris aids Distributed by Pay More shoe store
Talking sofa!
This chatty piece of furniture will keep you company on those rainy nights. The sofa will chat about the weather latest sports scores or even commiserate
with you on that bad day at work!
Manufacturer not responsible for sofa rudeness after gas is emitted from occupant.
Braille Range
The JW independent scientific maxi Morris aids company has worked together with Hot pool appliances to produce this innovative product! Know exactly how
hot your cook surface is by quickly reading the Braille display found in the center of each heating element. Oven temperature is found inside the oven
door.
Not only does this product make preparing that meal easier but it also helps your Braille reading speed.
A new category of products will appear in our new catalogue. You asked, we listen. Here at JW independent scientific maxi Morris aids . we have answered
the requests for occupational products specifically designed with the blind in mind.
For that up and coming professional racecar driver, we are perfecting r new pit finder. Never miss the pit row again! This highly developed system uses
a GPS system to locate your designated pit stop. An audible tone is heard when approaching pit row. As you approach your designated area the beeps become
higher in pitch and frequency.
This product not yet effective in locating members of the pit crew.
For those visually impaired surgeons on your holiday list, our new talking scalpel will be a perfect gift. This talking scalpel has a clear female voice.
A cut above the other competitors on the market, our new scalpel tells the surgeon to keep cutting. "Oh, no. Not there!" is heard when the wrong area has
been approached with this intelligent surgical tool. No blind surgeon should be without this. Order today!
As heard on TV. The talking chainsaw is very popular among our customers.
This tool is easy to operate. Taped instructions included. Simply place your finger under the cutting guide to ensure the length of the proper cut.
Begin cutting immediately to allow the best results. This tool has considerably increased the coordination and reaction time of its users.
A clear male voice announces the depth of the cut. Four D batteries not included.
Metal detecting long, white cane.
This innovative mobility device beeps when metal has been located. Tap, tap, swing, swing, your way to riches!
Don't overlook that penny again. This portable cane only weighs a mere 17 pounds.
Four rechargeable D batteries included with this item. Charger sold separately.
For the dog guide user. Get Fido a pair of these stunning shades. On those bright days when your pup can't see the color of those traffic lights due to
the glare, the dark glasses will provide protection from the harmful UV rays of the sun. Fido will never miss the red light again! Made from durable, scratch
resistant plastic. Protective case sold separately.
These news items written with tongue firmly planted in cheek. No item here is intended for use by the actual public and any resemblance to past or future
or even current products is merely coincidental.
Interesting.
Great.
I wonder if they take Braille credit cards?
Bob